Happy 14th Kidney Transplant Anniversary to my dad!

 

 

This time 14 years ago I was trying to find a way to say ‘good bye’ to my beautiful babies without scaring them. Leaving them at their dad’s house and walking away was one of the single most tragic moments of my life. I was trying to figure out how to ensure that they would have access to my husband and my family if something should happen to me. Would they remember me? Were they old enough? Was I worth remembering? Had I done enough for them in the short time they were with me? Gut wrenching. Selfish of me but that’s how I was feeling. I was far too young to be dealing with that kind of madness.

I was trying to find a way to come to terms with the fact that my dad was possibly sacrificing his life for mine and that it quite possibly could all be for nothing. I was trying to figure out how my mom and my sister and my husband and our kids would survive without me. What would happen to my father and his heart and his soul if he survived but I didn’t. 

 

 I was making promises to my husband that I wasn’t in control of keeping. I was forcing him to make promises to me that he wasn’t in control of keeping. I was making promises to God and to any entity that might be listening. Just allow me to live and I promise I will be a better person. I would do good things. I would make my family proud. I would be the best mom I could be. I would work hard. I would give back.  I would overcome. The usual pleas of desperation I suppose. I was trying to connect with God and Angels and ANY force out there that might offer some protection. 

There was a point where my focus shifted and I was less concerned about my survival and more about my dad surviving. What if something happened to him and I lived. How could I possibly survive that? Would I want to? What if I survived, he didn't then I also died after?  UGH.  I can't explain but all these things were swirling.  I remember it very vividly.  What if something happened to me but he lived? How could he survive that? You’d have to really know my father to understand this train of thought. He had already given so much to so many for so long. What if? It’s one thing to receive an organ from someone who was deceased. What a blessing but the emotional toil is far different than when you are selfishly taking something from someone who is alive and healthy.

When you live with the fact that you are dying for any length of time there are few ways you can choose to survive your life and the cards you’ve been dealt. I chose to hide my illness and tried hard to keep a positive front. For my kids, for my family, for my friends, for others that struggled with similar conditions and for myself I suppose. I do believe you can talk yourself into and out of about anything. 

 I was diagnosed with kidney failure in 1992 when I was 19 after my son was born. So I lived with and managed my illness until we couldn’t any longer and that day came in late 2000. It was time to make plans. It was time to go to Seattle. So, my mom, my dad, my husband and I all loaded up and flew out. I received my dads kidney on 1-19-01. 

When the search started for a living donor, it was sort of assumed that my sister would be my match. A healthy bio-sibling tends to be your best option for a donor. JACKPOT! I had one of those! Piece of cake right? WRONG… no match. So my mom then right? Surely my mom and I would be a match. Your second best chance is a bio-parent but since you are genetically a mix of your two parents, chances are slightly less likely you will match. NOPE, not a match. After my sister and mom were tested they opened up testing to extend family and friends.  Needless to say, the matches were not pouring in.

 

 Not only are there genetic considerations for transplant, there are lifestyle, emotional, mental and medical considerations. There is a lot of criteria that must be met to be a living donor. Then my dad’s results came back and BINGO! PERFECT match! As perfect as could be. He was healthy, he would retire from The Alaska State Troopers (can’t be active military or law enforcement), we were golden! 

Well, almost. It was a difficult first year or two after my transplant but Im thrilled to say that I’m doing AMAZING! Healthy as can be expected. It is a miracle. My father is miraculous. My family and friends are miraculous. Im so thankful. I know I have a blessed life. I know how lucky I am. I could pour on and on but I would much rather celebrate today instead of reliving the most emotionally and physically tragic years of my life. 

So, Happy 14th Kidney Anniversary Dad! I love you. Im grateful. Im thankful and I work everyday to make you proud of me.

Visit this link for a video message about my transplant anniversary.

 Please give some consideration to living organ donation. Do your own research, educate yourself and consider gifting life to someone. A healthy person only needs 15% of one kidney to survive and entire lifetime. Most people are born with 2 and some even have 3. There are countless websites for information and if you are serious, you can always contact me and I can connect you with some resources.
www.matchingdonors.com
www.transplantliving.org

Transplant Board on Pinterest

 PLEASE ALSO CONSIDER REGISTERING AS AN ORGAN DONOR AND PLEASE SHARE YOUR DECISION WITH YOUR FAMILY.